he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
