I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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