So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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