I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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