Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
