I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
