sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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