I feel like I'm in dance class right now
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
