Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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