imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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