this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
