My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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