So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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