If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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