I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just want to make out with him forever
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
