You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
