i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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