I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
