Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
