I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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