new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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