either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I wear drunk well.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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