my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
