his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
