There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize