My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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