My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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