Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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