I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.