Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell