$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Here’s Why Hotel Photos On Travel Websites Are A Complete Hoax
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??