I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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