He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Drake has all the answers
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
