Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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