im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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