Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
