Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
