we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
