Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
