they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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