At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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