are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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