Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
