You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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