So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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