I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
