We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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