erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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