Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
