i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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