Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
