Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
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