Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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