hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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