Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
