A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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