Your face is a jimmy john
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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