How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Randomize
