You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
