Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
