They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
