I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
