New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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