if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
