the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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