I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
this boner is exhausting
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
